Why is self-confidence so important for developing new relationships?
When we go looking for someone else, we are looking for someone to fill in the missing pieces of ourselves.
The lesson of the book is that in becoming complete on our own, we will be able to roll through life on our own with confidence and emotional self-sufficiency.
We don’t need someone else to make us happy.
If we can become complete, whole and happy on our own, then we can meet others in the same place in life and can come together as complete, whole, happy people.
We are happy together but also when we are apart.
The key to this lesson is becoming happy with yourself, becoming happy on your own, becoming whole and self-sufficient becoming confident in who you are
If you bring that to a new relationship, you will be more attractive, whether it’s dating or friendship.
The friends I have been attracted to, I find that the more self-worth I have, I am drawn to people who have that in themselves.
I’m drawn to people who can be on their own but also bring to the relationship a joy for life.
People are attracted to and value others with self-confidence self-love self- worth
If you bring this to a relationship, it will be granted back to you.
You cannot make someone else feel better about themselves by constantly complimenting and reassuring them.
They need to take the initiative to see the good in themselves and reassure themselves. In the end, that person needs to want to value themselves and see the good in themselves every single day.
Often, we think of this as something we do towards others. Many times we do this in the form of giving food, wealth, and clothes.
But we also do this in spirit.
Do we see them in a critical way where we constantly tear them apart or do we see them in a generous way where we see the beauty in them?
There is beauty in every person.
Generosity of spirit is looking over little flaws and seeing their personality in a good light.
We can do this for ourselves as well. Instead of seeing all our flaws, being harsh and criticizing ourselves, we can start to recognize all the good in ourselves.
Be kind to ourselves and see the good heart that underlies it all goodness strength generosity optimism, love
All of these things and more can be seen if we are generous to ourselves. Maybe we start with others before ourselves, but it can be done simultaneously. Notice the meanness and harshness of spirit towards ourselves.
Then notice the love and generosity we can have towards ourselves.
You need to convey that you are not exactly like somebody else. Most people are not interested in normal types of conversations.
Be proud of the life you’ve chosen and convey that.
If you feel like you are boring and don’t want to be boring, think about your life and if you are living in accordance with your principles.
Would you want to be friends with someone not living in accordance with their principles?
Some people are too shy to share what is unique about them or take for granted the things they are good at or is normal to them.
Take a leap of faith and have confidence that if you share what you are about and it’s a life you are happy with, other people will find some parts of that interesting.
If you have a whole bunch of different aspects of things that might be interesting, is that something you pre-think before you start doing this?
Totally. One exercise I have people do and that I have done:
Make a list from A-Z. Write a story for each letter. A might be the time I took a motorcycle trip to Alaska or whatever it is.
You have it to fall back on and it gives you confidence. It makes you proactive and top think about what you have to offer people, stories and experiences you can share.
You have this in your mind and know the parts of the story that are interesting. If you are sharing a story, think about the arc of it. Know you have these topics and you are ready to go.
What are some examples of getting people to want you to stay?
It’s showing you are not weird in a bad way. It’s showing you will be respectful of their space. It’s showing you will be respectful of their time.
Once you feel they are engaging in the conversation a little bit, the next step is you want to share some things about you that will make them like you.
That sounds selfish and self-serving but when I meet people, I want to like them. You always go first and you do that by sharing experiences sharing stories sharing perspective on things
Then, you will want to find interesting things about them to show you are interested in them.
These are the first few phases in the first 5–10 minutes of a conversation.
Timothy J Robertson is the creator of STATUS International, an artificial intelligent Creative Concierge platform, to automate hiring and managing the world’s best artists. Timothy has been on a mission to integrate machine learning technology into the creative process to offer artists short term projects and clients creative control over the vision. Take a Test Drive at statusbranding.com — or — you can get in contact at email@example.com